so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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