My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
