someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
