I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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