i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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