You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
