Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
