before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
