I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
