I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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