Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
