Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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