Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
