I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The air taste purple.
Randomize
