Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
