I'm sorry my penis didn't work
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
