Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
