Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
