It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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