there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
