Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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