I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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