I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
