Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
