You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
