Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
