Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
