you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
