i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
