A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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