Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
