she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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