We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
