Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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