I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she told me i tasted like america
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
