Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize