Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
