Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
