Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
