Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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