Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
