My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
