I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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