i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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