I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
