It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
