Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
