three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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