she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
