Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
