I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
