I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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