how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Found your dick twin last night
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
