A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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