I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
