She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
