Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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