So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
