i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize