I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
