So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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