just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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