She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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