he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
third nipple confirmed
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
