Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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