So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
soo... how was my night?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
