Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My bed smells like the plague
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
