Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
