i permit you to call me
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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