Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
