i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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