Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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