Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
