I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
