Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
