Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
