Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
