I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
