the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
