dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
