i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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