You really coming over, don't trick.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize