I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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