There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize