pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
