That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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