I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
