I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
